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Murse Magnet
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7,114 Posts
@Jake, are you happy being married? I think that is the important part here. Not happy having a roommate, are you happy being married?
 

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First Things First I'm The Realist
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7,630 Posts
Speaking of which: now getting to rip my hair out because my side of the family won't make plans for Christmas...
I feel this. My parents will be here this Friday to Wednesday. When asking about what they want to do, I’m pretty much getting whatever, maybe see some Christmas lights, and go out for a nice seafood dinner. Guess they should have come for 2 days instead...

@Jake, are you happy being married? I think that is the important part here. Not happy having a roommate, are you happy being married?
Ight. Imma head out.
 

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Mufasa in Training
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31,212 Posts
I feel this. My parents will be here this Friday to Wednesday. When asking about what they want to do, I’m pretty much getting whatever, maybe see some Christmas lights, and go out for a nice seafood dinner. Guess they should have come for 2 days instead...
My problem is that I will be traveling to see my family, but they can't even decide when they want everyone to be there. Meanwhile my wife and I's best friends are wanting to get together and I have to say "I don't know" because I don't know what my family wants to do, and they're never in a hurry to make an actual plan. Don't want to say F*** em because we didn't get together at Thanksgiving, but they don't understand that we can't just pick up and go whenever...it's a 4hr trip across the state.
 

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Murse Magnet
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7,114 Posts
Random thought segue. I was restocking the refrigerator with soda at work and one of the sodas fell out of the plastic 6 soda holder. It hits the carpeted floor, no big deal. Then as I am bending down to pick it up, right as I am about to touch it, it bursts at the seams and douces me, the wall, door, verticals, floor... By the time the fountain stopped the can was empty. My dress shirt, pants, shoes and socks are now squishy. Today is not shaping up as planned.
 

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Registered
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2,954 Posts
Random thought segue. I was restocking the refrigerator with soda at work and one of the sodas fell out of the plastic 6 soda holder. It hits the carpeted floor, no big deal. Then as I am bending down to pick it up, right as I am about to touch it, it bursts at the seams and douces me, the wall, door, verticals, floor... By the time the fountain stopped the can was empty. My dress shirt, pants, shoes and socks are now squishy. Today is not shaping up as planned.
I'll start by saying that's unfortunate and I hope your day gets better.

I'll finish by saying that's hilarious and amazing and will be a great story when you dry out and stop being sticky.
 

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(⌐■_■)
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2,069 Posts
Dude, Bryan, just make the plans for your family and say you're going to show up at x. Either they're going to be fine with it and if not, hopefully they'll then suggest a better time
 

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100% Jakedashian
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6,443 Posts
The wrong part of this is being talked about.

Yeah I fucked up (in this instance) by saying something specific and not following through but she was not at all understanding and the subsequent breakdown seemed incredibly disproportionate. And this is just one part of a larger issue wherein she arbitrarily wants our relationship to consist of us spending every free moment possible doing something together and time I spend with my friends is interrupted the minute she gets done with her friends and starts constantly asking me when I'm going to be home.

Or the fact I've kinda had my fill of anime conventions and she is absolutely devastated. Three years of trying them from various angles left me feeling lukewarm, but I've seen what there is to see and it's just not worth the time/money commitment to keep seeing the same thing. Of course, she's gonna be at a convention in st louis on my birthday and wants me to come so I can spend my birthday with her. Driving 5 hours to sit around and buy alcohol surrounded by people screaming anime memes at each other isn't really how I want to spend my birthday. Also not really wanting to go to Naka-Kon either. But let's flip this around. She came with me on a car-based trip with my car friends to Arkansas to drive the Pig Trail and do car things. Lots of pretty scenery, good food, some stuff she'd enjoy and she wanted to come. But if we spent more than 10 minutes on something she didn't like I heard about it and it basically ruined the whole trip. Therein is the double standard where she doesn't want to go on trips with me (which is fine with me) but if I don't go on her trips the world ends.
 

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Jake I think everyone is focusing on your part in this because we know you and are comfortable criticizing you.

I'll just come out and say it

You sound very unhappy and it sounds like she is not a great partner, whether that's reality or just how you present it is in my opinion irrelevant. It sounds like a relationship that's doomed to fail. I'm not sure if that's what you want to hear, or what, but if you were a close personal friend I'd be telling you to get out. We're not close like that tho, and I'm not comfortable speaking that plainly as I am sure no one else is either.

I'm saying it now though because it seems like that's what you're looking for.

So here we are
 

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100% Jakedashian
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6,443 Posts
Important derailment: Goodwin has a huge discount today on Koni shocks.

Jake I think everyone is focusing on your part in this because we know you and are comfortable criticizing you.

I'll just come out and say it

You sound very unhappy and it sounds like she is not a great partner, whether that's reality or just how you present it is in my opinion irrelevant. It sounds like a relationship that's doomed to fail. I'm not sure if that's what you want to hear, or what, but if you were a close personal friend I'd be telling you to get out. We're not close like that tho, and I'm not comfortable speaking that plainly as I am sure no one else is either.

I'm saying it now though because it seems like that's what you're looking for.

So here we are
This is fair given your perspective. My in-person friends that have met us both are slightly more optimistic. Like I said earlier; I believe therapy could help us massively.

It sounds like y’all lack communication and compromise and have built some weird dependencies. Good luck.
This is accurate.
 

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(⌐■_■)
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2,069 Posts
That's fine. Make their plans for them and if they don't like it they'll be forced to make a different decision.
Bingo, force the issue

I'll just come out and say it
Yeah... maybe examine why you got married in the first place. Agree on the therapy part because it sounds like expectations need to be laid out in a constructive manner. Regardless, we're all pulling you for Jake
 

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Super Moderator
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2,393 Posts
If you think therapy would be beneficial then get it booked ASAP. It's easier to fix something that only needs maintenance than it is once it's actually broken. (Disregard your usual experience with maintenance projects)
 

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I have all the correct opinions.
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8,543 Posts
Therapy helps you figure out how to communicate, isn’t going to change who she is, or who you are.

“People” seem wired to try to maintain status quo, whether that’s employment at a particular job, involvement in a relationship, or even the diet you maintain. That’s fine, but there’s an opportunity cost. Sometimes it really is better to face uncertainty and do something different, than it is to be “comfortable” in your now.

But what do I know - Im not married, have lived in 3 different states since I graduated college, and have had 6 different jobs (4 different companies) in my decade of professional experience. In my mind, whatever I’m doing today is leading me toward tomorrow, so I better like it.
 

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100% Jakedashian
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6,443 Posts
Update on my last aside: just ordered Konis for my NC. Friend is coming over tomorrow to buy my NB2 Konis for $300. I'm stoked.

Regardless, we're all pulling you for Jake
Thanks, man. Genuinely.

(Disregard your usual experience with maintenance projects)
where tf is my relationship's carburetor?! SOMEONE GET ME A REBIULD KIT 🤣
 

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100% Jakedashian
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6,443 Posts
Therapy helps you figure out how to communicate, isn’t going to change who she is, or who you are.

“People” seem wired to try to maintain status quo, whether that’s employment at a particular job, involvement in a relationship, or even the diet you maintain. That’s fine, but there’s an opportunity cost. Sometimes it really is better to face uncertainty and do something different, than it is to be “comfortable” in your now.

But what do I know - Im not married, have lived in 3 different states since I graduated college, and have had 6 different jobs (4 different companies) in my decade of professional experience. In my mind, whatever I’m doing today is leading me toward tomorrow, so I better like it.
Communication is what I struggle with. I'm hoping a third party will be able to help me articulate my thoughts to her and offer suggestions on how we can both come to compromises and build each others strengths.

Valid advice though. I'm definitely one that is resistant to change... until the moment when I'm not, and I desperately need a change. That probably means something to someone.
 

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Registered
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2,954 Posts
Buddy with the way your mechanical adventures tend to go I'd caution against buying the rebuild kit and recommend having someone else help you fix it.

I'm not really tryna be pessimistic. Anything can be saved or made better, it just takes effort from both sides. She doesn't sound willing to put that in, but I hope y'all make it work and things get better.
 

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100% Jakedashian
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6,443 Posts
She doesn't sound willing to put that in, but I hope y'all make it work and things get better.
to be fair she grew up in a pigsty and literally never had to be responsible for anything. Her upbringing has the cards stacked against her.
 
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